I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
