Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
