"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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