I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
