drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
