I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
