Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
