Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
