they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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