3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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