I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
