if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
