Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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