My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
