I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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