it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
