Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
