I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
