I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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