I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
