she woke up with a sticky ear
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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