1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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