the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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