i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
