I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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