First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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