Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
