A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
