I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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