If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
