fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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