have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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