Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
