Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
