who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
