thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
