I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We had to coat check the pizza.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
