You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
