Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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