i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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