I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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