So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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