I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
