And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
