piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
