He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
