We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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