it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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