No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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