mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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