i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
