i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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