Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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