do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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